Oh…

In most of my posts I focus on the aftermath rather than the origin story of my sons. In reality it is no longer possible to separate the two. The story of their lives is inverted in their death. This post was originally intended to be the ‘happy story’ of the beginning (“when we were…

Dolls, snowflakes and badges: The Third Rule of Grief Club

“I don’t know what to say” This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot in response to the questions raised by Ana’s posts and our discussions. It’s one of the most common refrains heard by the bereaved.  It’s an honest response that can sometimes land badly.  Saying it can feel weak.  An irreversable shift…

#SandsAwarenessMonth: What have we done

As #SandsAwarenessMonth draws to a close it’s a good time to share all that has gone on during this month of fundraising, awareness raising, blogging and political activity (the good kind). I’m turning orange because… The #SandsAwarenessMonth campaign encouraged people to turn their online profiles orange to mark the month.  Throughout this month I have shared, liked…

The Wood within the Sands

I am grateful for Ana in a lot of ways.  Her response to my blog on my difficulties understanding spiritual benefits of stillbirth was so brilliant and insightful I asked her to contribute a guest blog. This brought me back to where I had started nearly 5 years ago. When referrals to her post started…

A musical interlude: Six, Six (Oh) Six

This week marks 10 years since my last gig.  At the time I didn’t know this.  I hadn’t clocked any suggestions that things weren’t working or I had done anything monumentally terrible or a series of small infractions leading to an unceremonious ejection. On this I have form in a classic wood for trees sense….

(Not) The Stanford Prison Experiment

There have been two very high profile cases recently where damage to a glittering sporting career and risk of terrible consequences to mental health have been suggested as something worth considering when sentencing. Forget martyrs / remember victims The idea that having to go to prison to serve time for a crime you have been…

#SandsAwarenessMonth: What Sands means to me

As you will have seen from the blog header and Twitter profile, June marks #SandsAwarenessMonth. This is an opportunity to raise awareness of charities like Sands that offer help and support for bereaved  parents and their families, friends, colleagues and the health care professionals affected. Charities like Sands, Tamba and Tommy’s are helping families bereaved…

This door is locked

This post is inspired by two WordPress daily prompts; Locked and Abandoned Locked As a die hard Silent Hill fan the word locked instantly brings to mind the familiar refrain of the game: The lock is jammed.  This door cannot be opened. The phrase serves two purposes.  One, it means not having to create time…

In defence of childish things

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things I’ve always hated that phrase.  It’s one that gets deployed with glib glee when confronted with something that doesn’t meet with approval.  It’s judgement…

A tricky question: Values or friends?

As with my Saving Babies’ Lives post this one started off as a long detailed post taking a mundane event as a jumping off point. I then use it as an opportunity to over think it, agonise over drafting and awkwardly try and shoehorn references to The Lucifer Effect, Abu Ghraib and Morecombe Bay and the…