Stark depictions of infant mortality

Points of view revisited I got my answer from the BBC yesterday to my polite request asking them to reconsider their decision to not broadcast the documentary Still Loved. If you have read my previous post you would have seen my complaint was respectfully presented and probed the BBC’s previous standard line response. What I…

While some decent music plays – A tale of a funeral home

I may have made a mistake in going to see my father’s body. It was one of those choices you may regret not making so I made the journey with my wife to see him one last time. On Halloween. I’ve seen dead bodies before. I was with him when he saw his mother, so…

Still Loved: Review and reflection

It seems age ago since I contributed to Still Loved, a documentary about the impact of stillbirth on a group of families.  It was one of the first accounts I found when using Twitter to search for information on stillbirth rather than just work related stuff. Seeing it played in cinemas was great even if…

Going to your funeral (Part 2)

Two weeks have passed since my father’s funeral. It attracted some mixed reviews (“10/10 – best funeral I have ever been to”, “I thought the second eulogy could have been more concise”) but was a good way to say goodbye and have the fact of his absence made all too horribly real. These events pull…

Guest post: Ana – One Year In

A year ago today, my baby died. I felt her final spasms in the birth canal.  In the first weeks after, the world became very small. Our days were packed with minimal events of enormous emotional significance. Time passed at its usual pace for everyone around us: one minute came after the other, always so…

Oh…

In most of my posts I focus on the aftermath rather than the origin story of my sons. In reality it is no longer possible to separate the two. The story of their lives is inverted in their death. This post was originally intended to be the ‘happy story’ of the beginning (“when we were…

Guest Post – Ana: The disconnection within

First we change Being an outsider to another person’s suffering is hard, especially when it’s someone close. A seriously traumatic, identity-defining event means that our life trajectory has branched off; the outsider can never be part of it in the same way as before. Our relationship needs to be renegotiated, and the transition is marked…

Dolls, snowflakes and badges: The Third Rule of Grief Club

“I don’t know what to say” This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot in response to the questions raised by Ana’s posts and our discussions. It’s one of the most common refrains heard by the bereaved.  It’s an honest response that can sometimes land badly.  Saying it can feel weak.  An irreversable shift…

Guest Post: Ana – Opposing Forces

Opposing forces “Can I please bite you just one more time?” My son may not be the most gentle of creatures, but at least he’s polite. He used to be something of a toddler bully. He’d scan the playground, then make a beeline for a smaller kid only to push them. I once came to…