Shoebox full of Memories

This blog covers some of my experiences following the stillbirth of my twin sons and shares useful blogs and articles on the subject of grief, bereavement, stillbirth and miscarriage.  It also covers the research on preventing stillbirth and some of the actions going on to address the issue as well as the areas that need more attention.

This blog covers the day itself, the funeral, aftermath and random bits and pieces around memories and remembering.  It’s all very scatter-gun so I’ve added a page to help map it out a bit more so readers can see what’s relevant to them or what may be of most interest.

I have spent a lot of time working on my own coping strategies.  These are not intended or expected to work for everyone but I hope that there is at least some useful ideas to explore and give an insight into how they have played out (or not) for me.

There’s also a reading room collecting lots of articles and blogs on the topics of grief, baby loss and remembrance.  If you would like to be added to this or the Quality Reading blog list please let me know!

For light relief there is also a playlist for the songs referenced and included in this blog.

As a blog about grief and bereavement there are some trigger warnings to note.  Obviously I will cover topics such as stillbirth, death and ‘rainbow’ children.  I’m aware that some people may find some of the language uncomfortable.  Not in terms of swearing but because I’m not one for talk of angels.  I know that for some people it is a comfort but its not something that works for me.

The title of the blog comes from a line in a James Dean Bradfield b-side from his solo career.  The song itself seems to be about loss of a parent but the line resonates with me.

I do have a shoebox (as well as a battered A4 envelope) of memories.  On days when I feel strong enough (and sometimes when I don’t) I go through that box and its collection of mementos.  It helps the grief feel less abstract and sparks memories of how those seemingly random bits of paper and card ended up in the box.

Sometimes I feel like my memories are framed by the photos we took on the day.  By looking at those photos I can be reminded of the parts I had forgotten.  It can be the most mundane of things like the mugs we had in the room (so we wouldn’t have to go out into the main ward to get drinks) or the surprise of coming across photos where we are laughing.

It is those memories that I want to set down in writing so that I can share them and in doing so encourage others (particularly fathers) to share theirs.  It will be Baby Loss Awareness Week soon and a few days afterwards will mark the 7th anniversary of the stillbirth of our sons.  Since their loss we have been lucky enough to have three ‘rainbow’ children but no amount of children will erase our boys from our lives.  There is no magic reset button and nor should there be.

Thanks for reading and I hope that I can offer some small comfort.