I’m joining Vicky & Matthew Treherne’s #StrutYourSongs 2018 challenge to raise money to support the Miscarriage Association. I’ve been inspired by their story of how music has provided comfort in the dark days of loss and has helped bring others together to speak openly of their experiences and raise funds and awareness of an all too common yet taboo topic of miscarriage. I too have found comfort in music in my losses.
On 9 June 2018 I will walk for the duration of my own 3 hour playlist of songs that have allowed me comfort, catharsis and release from all the mess of emotions that come with grief. I will walk at least 8.5 miles in a big loop from home to the seafront and then back home via the hospital.
Too many people go through this, feeling unable to talk for fear of being dismissed or having their loss minimised. Your donation will help the Miscarriage Association to provide a lifeline to anyone affected by miscarriage.
This isn’t something that comes easy to me, I’m not much of a runner so a long walk seemed right. I guessed at a destination about 90 mins from me and back to get a route that would last me the duration of my playlist. Distance-wise it’s around 8 to 9 miles or so. This seems apt as that’s around the number of weeks at which we lost our babies last year.
It’s odd how I still feel more awkward talking about miscarriage than I do stillbirth. My playlist is dominated by songs that make me think of my sons and loss. They are by turns melancholy, reflective and brutal in their ways but the only new one I’ve added since the miscarriage has been The Last Day of Winter. This is the song that looped round and round in the early days and month after the loss. Words at that time were a distraction so this song became something to lose myself in.
It made such an impression on me that I used the title for the post I never intended to write about it. I look back on that post and feel saddened by the level of rage I felt at that time. I’m not at that place now. I’m now at the “was sick but now you are well, there is work to be done” stage. In this case the work is a combination of trying to take a more structured approach to building a solid baby loss support network at work and taking part in charity efforts like #StrutYourSongs.
#StrutYourSons is all about the healing power of music and it makes absolute sense to combine music and charity efforts whatever they may be and for the music to be personal to each person taking part.
There will be songs on the playlist that will hit me hard but I will push through because hard as they are they are hardwired to memories I don’t want to lose.