WHAT IT FELT LIKE | In honour of this month of awareness today we give the outside world some insight into what it is like to be a bereaved parent by sharing what a certain experience that you had during your grief journey. This can be a positive or negative (or both) experience. Some experiences that you could share about are what it felt like to hear the words “There is no heartbeat” or maybe you had an experience where some did something very special in memory of your children. Pick a moment and share how it made you feel.
It can feel like a form of insanity. To have children but no babies to look after, a cot filled with redundant soft toys and clothing that will never be used and an underlying sensation of unreality. Did this really happen?
Timings, events, words, memories are a mess of contradictions, contractions and poetic licence. It turns simple social interactions like “do you have any children” or “how many” into a exercise in diplomacy and denial. It can sour the happiest of moments with the dread that it could happen again. It sucks the light from your eyes and leaves you hollow.
It can turn anything into a potential reminder of that day, that room, those words. It can feel like your own personal private Hell always waiting for you in the quiet moments. It can make you angrier than you ever thought possible. It can be a bewildering desolate experience alienating you from everyone around you.
That’s how it feels.