The act of creation saves us from despair

This was a secret blog.  It took a lot of effort to convince me to make it public and overcome the fear of rejection or criticism.  The only way to stop this blog from being just a howl into the void was to make it public, join the blogging community and see what was out there.

The blog started with the events leading up to, during and after my twin sons’ stillbirth. It also deals with the wider issues around grief and bereavementand the mixed emotions and challenges of pregnancy and parenting after loss.

More recently I have been writing about the insights and findings of The Lancet / International Stillbirth Alliance #EndStillbirths research series.

Despite this quite heavy set of topics I try not to be too gloomy and balance the sadness with a call to action so as to turn into something positive. The last thing I want is pity, it’s trying to reassure people in the club they are not alone and to help people in contact with club members to empathise rather than judge or minimise.

It’s a club that no-one wants to join and membership is something that isn’t really by choice. It has a growing number of new members with each day across the range of cultures, backgrounds and life experiences all united by our loss.

It is through this blog that I can fulfil my self–imposed duty to make membership of that club a little less awful and less lonely. It is through sharing and only by sharing that we can chip away at the well-intentioned and misguided attempts to minimise our loss, to deny our children and force a pattern of grief on us that is unhelpful, unrealistic and destructive.

These deaths are not inevitable and we can do more to prevent them. And where they do occur we can do more to support the bereaved.

The battle against stigma and taboo around loss and bereavement will not be won overnight. Ours is a war of attrition. We are patient and we are unrelenting.

If people reading this blog are inspired to write their own stories or take action in some way than this blog will achieved a small but important part towards that battle.

If it means that people supporting the bereaved be they family, friend or workmate have a better understanding and more empathy than this blog will have achieved more than being just a lonely diary of a terrible time.

My Random Musings
R is for Hoppit

15 Comments Add yours

  1. I’m very sorry for your loss and congratulate you on taking your grieving public to help others. That can’t be easy!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Amanda says:

    I cannot fathom your pain. I’m so very, very sorry for your great loss. I am inspired by your voice, and the light you seek in spite of the darkness. You will touch others and give comfort, no doubt. Sending you a virtual hug my dear.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ShoeboxofM says:

      Thank you for your kind words and support!


  3. Your blog is an inspiration and through the terrible sadness your funny personality shines through. I’m so glad you decided to share your blog and so glad I found it x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. whenyoulookforthegood says:

    Very beautifully said. Congrats on making your blog public and having the courage to be vulnerable to connect with and help others.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am so sorry for your loss and I can’t imagine how painful it must have been and continues to be. However by blogging in the public arena your brilliant writing will inspire and offer support to others. It is also fab because it helps you connect with new people and become part of a new community so welcome 🙂 and I look forward to reading more of your posts #anythinggoes

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lady Nym says:

    Please keep talking about your twin boys, about your loss and about your grief. I am amazingly lucky never to have experienced what you – and sadly many, many others – have been through (and continue to go through) but I understand the importance of not hiding it. Thank you and I’m terribly sorry for your loss.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. ShoeboxofM says:

      Thanks for your kind words and support. These aren’t easy posts for anyone to read so I appreciate all that do and take the time to comment.


  7. I am so sorry for your loss and for anyone who suffers such heartbreak. But you are inspiring for doing something to help others as a result and I am sure so many will find comfort in your support – in knowing they are not alone. #passthesauce


    1. ShoeboxofM says:

      Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.


  8. Kate Orson says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I really admire how you are finding the strength to get your story out in the open, and share with other people what you’ve been through, I’m sure your writing will help many. #passthesauce

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Silly Mummy says:

    I’m really glad you publicised your blog. Your writing is always so eloquent, powerful and thought provoking. I think you are achieving exactly what you intend – I am sure it must be helpful to others in your position to hear from someone with similar experiences, and for the rest of us you are providing insight and awareness on something we do not and cannot fully understand but would like to try.

    I wonder if part of the taboo and silence on specifically this type of loss, the loss of babies at or before birth, is because it was something that historically wasn’t spoken of, whereas other losses were? I say that because my grandmother had two stillborn children. It wasn’t a secret, obviously, because I know it happened. But it was never really discussed: beyond the fact that this occurred, those babies and their place in the family was never something I heard spoken of. Perhaps we have inherited the idea that it is something not to speak of? I don’t know.

    Anyway, rambling aside, I am sure that your blog is achieving a great deal. Thank you so much for linking up with #PasstheSauce

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ShoeboxofM says:

      Looking at the research in 2016 the taboos of old are global and very hard to shift. WIth people challenging the stigma its making more people aware of how damaging and hurtful trying to erase baby losses from the family tree is to those left behind.

      No need to apologise for rambling. One of the things I’m proud of is the fact that the readers of this blog get it and leave thoughtful and considered replies.


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