This was a secret blog. It took a lot of effort to convince me to make it public and overcome the fear of rejection or criticism. The only way to stop this blog from being just a howl into the void was to make it public, join the blogging community and see what was out there.
The blog started with the events leading up to, during and after my twin sons’ stillbirth. It also deals with the wider issues around grief and bereavementand the mixed emotions and challenges of pregnancy and parenting after loss.
Despite this quite heavy set of topics I try not to be too gloomy and balance the sadness with a call to action so as to turn into something positive. The last thing I want is pity, it’s trying to reassure people in the club they are not alone and to help people in contact with club members to empathise rather than judge or minimise.
It’s a club that no-one wants to join and membership is something that isn’t really by choice. It has a growing number of new members with each day across the range of cultures, backgrounds and life experiences all united by our loss.
It is through this blog that I can fulfil my self–imposed duty to make membership of that club a little less awful and less lonely. It is through sharing and only by sharing that we can chip away at the well-intentioned and misguided attempts to minimise our loss, to deny our children and force a pattern of grief on us that is unhelpful, unrealistic and destructive.
These deaths are not inevitable and we can do more to prevent them. And where they do occur we can do more to support the bereaved.
The battle against stigma and taboo around loss and bereavement will not be won overnight. Ours is a war of attrition. We are patient and we are unrelenting.
If people reading this blog are inspired to write their own stories or take action in some way than this blog will achieved a small but important part towards that battle.
If it means that people supporting the bereaved be they family, friend or workmate have a better understanding and more empathy than this blog will have achieved more than being just a lonely diary of a terrible time.