I’m not a fan of Christmas. I don’t find it magical but as my children grow older it’s time to suck it up and start. I want to be able to join in as they get older and it starts to make more sense to them.

I’d love to be able to go back to a time where I could get this excited about Christmas.

(Although I’m not so grumpy as to deride computers and playstations.)

After endless loops of ever slower versions of ‘White Christmas’ I found listening to the Cajun Christmas Internet radio station on Live365 helps my Christmas mood.

Also metal reworkings of songs like this:

The growing mountain of presents that accompany each Christmas and the planning involved for presents and cooking helps mask the loaded silence of our boys’ absence from the festivities.

The first Christmas without the boys was one free of familial obligation. We asked for no presents and to be left to our own devices.

We had some Christmas cards awkwardly nestled amongst the forest of condolence cards but we made few other concessions to the Christmas spirit.

We didn’t want to have to smile or play charades (on the latter my wife differs…). We didn’t want have any baby gifts sent in error. We didn’t want to go on lengthy road trips or train rides.

We just wanted to shelter in our noisy, draughty flat and wait for it all to go away. No turkey, just a simple low faff slow cooker roast to mark the day.

Christmas songs sing of Christmas being a time of no sorrow, no pain. They lie.

It was not all grim though. As ever distractions were the main focus of the day. We had festive fun and near third degree burns trying to assemble a gingerbread house using burnt treacle as glue.

It went about as well as can be imagined. It was more Nightmare Before Christmas than Pinterest but it still fell within the proud tradition of craft and hobbies gone wrong.

Rather than resort to horror we quelled the frenzied thoughts of loss and sorrow with the bright lights, pure joy and fist chewing frustration of the fiendish platformer Rayman Origins.

This song in particular became our soundtrack and basis for impromptu sing alongs. All together now!

I don’t know what this Christmas will bring. I do know I want to enjoy it with my family. It will be a busy frantic time but hopefully it will be fun and the children will have a great time and build some happy memories.

Amongst all the busy I also hope we will have the space once the chaos subsides to remember the boys so they can be part of it too.

My Random Musings
My Random Musings